If I was a Flight Attendant

If I was a flight attendant, I'd give everyone two bags of peanuts.
I'd tell everyone to loosen their belts a little (because if we crash it'll help you as much as a fly swatter against a lion). 
I'd laugh at the rulebook and say, "Don't worry, keep it on, that's why they have airplane mode." 
When you asked how I was, I'd say "phenomenal!"
I'd crack jokes over the intercom and make sure you were smiling.  I'd play movies that pleased both the kids and their parents. 
And I would definitely, most definitely give you the can. 

I met the greatest flight attendant today.  He was great!  And inspired my little poem.  He didn't say all of that, but I think he wanted to, and it's what I would want to.